she told me i tasted like america
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
