Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
