Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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