apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My breasts were aching with rage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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