You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
