btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
