I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
