the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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