Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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