I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
