My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
birth control should be required to get into college
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
