my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
