She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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