i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
