I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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