Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
