she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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