Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
