does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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