i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
