then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
