you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
