my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
