3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
