does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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