I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
