I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
