.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
