The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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