I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
