Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
