Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We named our party play list daddy issues
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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