I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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