She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
