her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
