Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
