Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
