I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
