wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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