Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
