Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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