I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
