There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
