I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
