I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
