if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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