Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
