I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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