I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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