I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's blow job season.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
