Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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